Relationships….hmmm….one of the hardest things to maintain. You are supposed to be happy but sometimes you find yourself asking, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH THIS PERSON? Yes! Our partners do drive us insane sometimes! Lol! Sometimes we are floating on cloud nine, other days we are so down. It is never rosy. The fights, the arguments, the crying, the insults, the screams, the nagging, the bullying, the tantrums, the attitude, the pride but aside all these things there’s the laughter, the companionship, the little kisses on the noses, the hickeys, the warm hugs, comfortable silence, the pillow talks, deep secrets shared, food fights, make up sex…. I could go on and on. It’s nice to have someone to do all those things with. It’s nice to know that when you are on a hospital bed with your eyes closed, there’s someone holding your hand and saying a prayer that you make it through. It’s nice to know that you are first thing on someone’s mind when you are woken up by a call at 6am because the person wants to know how you are doing or if you slept well. All these things make you think that being single is not fun. Being single is actually fun!!! We’ve dated sooo many times, jumping from one guy to the next, that we’ve forgotten how it feels to take care of ourselves. We’ve forgotten how it feels to have fun on our own.
Almost three years ago, I was in a serious relationship where I was happy and everything seemed just right. But then along the line, someway somehow, the once happy Velma was now the crying, sad girl. I remember one time I cried in a taxi, and the taxi driver said to me, “Madame, be bia y3 abotr3. But s3 wo hw3 na wontumi biom a, twe wo na ma wo ho mmr3, deir oy3 papa no b3ba” (Madame, everything is patience. But if you think you can’t continue, leave and give yourself time, the right one would come). I even wanted to pay but he wouldn’t take it. Every time I think about those words, I’m happy for the storm that we couldn’t weather. Not that I regret, because he really thought me some good and bad things about myself I needed to work on. This taxi driver wasn’t the first to say it, neither was he the last but what makes that day so memorable was the incident that happened. I could have worked through it, but then no woman wants to be treated like trash, twice by the same man. A really good friend of mine, Edwin had been hammering on that same thing for so long I knew within me it was time to love myself all over again and to put the shattered pieces together once again. For me to fix the puzzle I had become, I needed time, time alone. I needed to learn how to live without the attention of men.
To be honest it was hard because I had become used to have them around and jumping into the next relationship when the previous one didn’t go well. One thing about loving yourself is that you need to have it in mind that it is a challenge for you. A fun challenge at that! The first thing I did was to reassess my life from every angle possible and cut of all the toxic things that would be obstacles. I lost a lot of friends (people I just know by name and face) and kept the FRIENDS (those who stood by me through thick and thin). They kept me going, they had me laughing, going on dates, making new friends, getting used to waking up without the good morning texts and all those things. They were amazing through it all. I remember one evening I stayed up talking to one of them about how I now see how messed I had become. I had missed out on life! I felt so good about myself all over again. I even gained weight! Lool!
There’s nothing better than loving yourself! A whole good year of adventure and fun and good friends and FOOD!!! Lol! It was truly amazing! You don’t have to wait an entire year before you date again, but when you are in the process of giving yourself manicures and pedicures and sipping on some Moët and the fine men, flashy cars, gifts and a whole lot of other temptations come along, just look the other way but then when the right one comes and you feel it give it a chance! Ignore the material things, they will always come and go! Not all that glitters is gold my loves! Not all! (Another post will be dedicated to that because I’m sure you are wondering why the emphasis). I wish I could meet this taxi driver again and tell him that true to his words, the right one has come. DATE YOURSELF, discover who you are, and fall in love all over again. It’s the best way to move on!
By:Velma Immaculata Ohene- Adu
Twitter handle: @Darksin_Hottie